


Beat the Odds

by zebraljb



Series: Christmas Stockings 2019 [8]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Merlin is a Little Shit (Kingsman), Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 06:36:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17420924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebraljb/pseuds/zebraljb
Summary: PROMPTS - Harcival, fluff, pining, idiots in love; "One of the couples I listed has been pining for each other and the rest of the agents all bet on who will get them to admit their feelings by Christmas." (just realized I totally missed the "by Christmas" part sorry)Everyone cares for Michael (Percival) and Harry (Arthur). They're both lonely and feel unlovable.  The knights start a harmless bet on when they'll get their acts together, and Eggsy and Roxy work together to move things along a bit in the correct timeframe.  They forget about the Quartermaster who watches over them all.





	Beat the Odds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anarchycox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/gifts).



BEAT THE ODDS

“I’m thinkin’ if we work together, we got better chances,” Eggsy says quietly. “Two hundred pounds riding on this, we can easily split it. Ain’t no way Bors will win…he picked somethin’ like three years from now. Tristan is a problem…he picked five months, an’ the way they’re going?”

“I have two months, you have, what, a month?” Roxy asks. “So, we either need to hurry things along or stretch them out.”

“Ain’t gonna be a problem stretching them out,” Eggsy says with a groan. “They’re doin’ just fine with all that.”

“I just don’t understand. They’re two incredibly intelligent men. How can they not see it?”

“Because Harry thinks he’s broken an’ no one would want him, especially not someone posh an’ handsome like Percival.”

“Because Uncle Michael thinks he’s broken and no one would want him, especially not someone posh and handsome like Harry.”

They look at each other. “Well, I…”

“Lancelot. Galahad. Might I have a word?”

They look up at Merlin. “Yes, sir,” Roxy says immediately.

“Course…sir,” Eggsy adds.

“My office, please.” Merlin turns on one heel and leaves the dining hall.

“Fuck,” Eggsy mumbles. “Gotta feeling this ain’t gonna end well fer me.”

They follow Merlin to his office, where he pours himself a cup of tea but doesn’t offer any to them. “Please sit.” They sit as one. He slowly stirs sugar into his tea. “I was wondering if ye might explain why ye were discussing money, Arthur and Percival in the same sentence.”

“Oh,” Roxy says weakly. “That. Well, you see, uh…”

“It’s like this, babe.” Eggsy leans forward. His boyfriend was not part of the pool, but he knew it was ridiculous to think he wouldn’t find out about it. “We’re all sick an’ tired of watchin’ Harry an’ Percival pussyfoot around each other. Been ages now, an’ tha only people who don’t know they’re perfect for each other is THEM. We got bored, an’ decided ta make a few gentlemanly bets. Ain’t hurtin’ no one.”

“So…you’re nae looking to work with Lancelot to make sure one of ye wins?” Merlin raises an eyebrow.

“No!” Eggsy says innocently. “We’s just agreeing ta work together ta…make sure we both win.”

“I see.” Merlin puts his finger in Eggsy’s face. “Ye willnae do anything to harm them, lad, and that includes embarrassing them in front of the other agents.”

“I wouldn’t,” Eggsy says, actually hurt. “Love ‘arry like my Da, ya know that, babe.”

“And I wouldn’t let him,” Roxy pipes up. “Uncle Michael is the only relative I actually like. He’s done everything for me, and I would not repay him in that way.”

“I really didn’t think ye would,” Merlin tells her.

“Ian…I mean, Merlin,” Eggsy says hastily. “Love ya more than anything, ya know that. I want ‘arry ta have that, too. Percival’s fuckin’ aces, an’ I really think they could make each other happy.”

“I cannae help ye,” Merlin says. “It would nae be fair.”

“We’d never ask ya to, babe,” Eggsy says.

“But I willnae tell ye to stop.” He looks at Eggsy. “If ye win, I expect a good present.”

“Tha best,” Eggsy says, giving him the smile he saves just for him.

 

“Haz, I gotta question.” 

Harry looks up from his computer and sighs. “Eggsy, don’t you have somewhere else you can do that?”

“Sure,” Eggsy says, looking at his gun cleaning kit. “But I like spendin’ time with ya. Ain’t like yer busy,” he says with a wink.

“Indeed. What is your question?”

“Who do ya think tha smartest agent is?”

“Well.” Harry blinks. “That is an intriguing question. I think everyone has special talents. He’s not an agent, but of course Merlin is one of the most brilliant men I’ve ever met.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy says with a happy sigh, and Harry rolls his eyes.

“If this was some sort of trick to get me to compliment your lover, I do not appreciate it.”

“Not a trick, swear down,” Eggsy promises. “Do like hearin’ ya say sweet things about him, though, an’ I’m sure he’ll be pleased ta know ya called him brilliant.”

“Do NOT tell him,” Harry orders. “We made a strict vow not to say nice things about one another. That way no one feels compelled to say them.”

“Yer friendship is tha weirdest thing I’ve ever seen,” Eggsy comments. “Okay, so he’s tha smartest. How about the best in hand-to-hand?”

“That was me, at one time,” Harry says, sighing. “But now I’d have to say…probably Bedivere.”

“Yeah, don’t never spar with him, that’s fer fuckin’ sure,” Eggsy agrees. “Best shot?”

“I know you want me to say you, Eggsy, but I cannot if I’m being honest,” Harry tells him. “Hands down, that’s Percival.”

“Yeah? He’s a good shot, then?”

“He’s the best sniper in Kingsman history, my boy, you know that.”

“What makes someone a good shot, like long-range?” Eggsy asks, leaning his chin on his hand. “I mean, I wanna learn.”

“You need to take it very, very seriously. It’s not like close-range, where you’re in the heat of the moment and a shot will save your life. Snipers are working to save a mission, not themselves. They have to be hyper-focused. Pay close attention to detail. I’m afraid you will have to work on those two character traits, my boy.” Harry smiles at him.

“An’ Percival got all that? Serious attitude, hyper-focus, attention ta detail?”

“Yes. He has all those things in spades.”

“Must be hard, foldin’ up a tall body like his. Gotta get yerself into all kinds of positions, waitin’ ta take yer shot. Bet he’s real flexible.”

“I’m sure he is.” Harry turns pink and Eggsy grins. “Now, I must get this paperwork done. While I enjoy your company, Galahad, I do have things to do.”

“Understood. Thanks fer yer time, Arthur.” Eggsy gives him a mock salute, gathers his equipment together, and leaves the office.

 

“Galahad.” Roxy pokes her head into Eggsy’s tiny office. “I have a situation to report.”

“Please come in, Lancelot,” he says formally. 

She comes in and shuts the door. “Uncle Michael is taking his godson shopping on Saturday. They always end up at the same place for tea…a little shop called Sprinkles and Bits.”

“Sprinkles and Bits?” Eggsy bursts out laughing. “I cannot imagine Percival at a place called Sprinkles and Bits.”

“He has a very sweet tooth,” she informs him. “And he loves spoiling Everett. I thought it might be nice for Arthur to see him in a warm and loving environment, with a child.”

“Harry loves kids,” Eggsy says eagerly. “Spoils the hell outta Daisy when he can.”

“I’ll send you the address of the shop, perhaps you can find a reason for him to be in that neighborhood?”

“I’ll come up with something.” Eggsy furrows his brow and thinks as she leaves.

 

“I don’t understand.” Harry frowns as he looks at the text on his phone. Eggsy’d texted him first thing that morning, explaining that he’d ordered something for a shop in town. He knew Harry did his shopping on Saturday afternoons, and asked if Harry could pick it up. But now Harry’s standing at the address and all he sees is a teashop and a lingerie store, not the bookstore Eggsy had mentioned. “The address is correct…”

“Harry.” Harry turns to see Percival standing on the pavement. “Good afternoon.”

“Good afternoon, Percival.” Harry tries not to notice how handsome Percival looks in a pair of dark blue jeans and a beige jumper. 

“Are you quite all right? I don’t mean to pry, but the look on your face…you seem quite confused.”

“Yes…Eggsy asked me to run an errand for him, and I do believe he’s given me faulty information.” 

“Uncle Michael, couldn’t we go now?” A young boy with bright red hair tugs at Percival’s arm.

“And who is this?” Harry asks with a smile.

“Everett, I am talking to my friend…my boss, actually. You know better than to interrupt.” Percival looks at Harry apologetically.

“That’s quite all right. My name is Harry Hart. And you are?” Harry holds out his hand to the boy.

“My name is Everett Hilton,” the boy says formally, shaking Harry’s hand. 

“My godson,” Percival explains. “He’s just turned nine, and we are out and about celebrating.”

“We’re going to Sprinkles and Bits and Uncle Michael said I can order whatever I want,” Everett informs Harry.

“Well, happy birthday and many more, young man,” Harry says. He smiles at Percival. “Your Uncle Michael seems to be the perfect chap to celebrate your birthday with.”

“Oh, he IS. We’ve been to the Natural History Museum. I’m going to be a zoologist, you see,” Everett says seriously. “Yesterday we went to Horniman Museum and Gardens.”

“I used to visit that place quite regularly. At one time I thought I might be a lepidopterist.” 

“Impressive,” Everett replies, and Harry has to hide a smile. “Would you like to come with us for a treat, Mr. Hart?” He turns to Percival. “Is that all right, Uncle Michael?”

“It is quite all right, and very good manners of you to ask, but I’m sure Mr. Hart has other errands to run.” Percival says the words but actually looks quite hopeful that Harry might say yes.

“I am honored to be invited, and yes, I would be happy to join you.”

Percival leads the way down to the teashop and opens the door. “After you, Harry.” Harry gets a brief whiff of Percival’s cologne as he goes by. He even smells perfect.

They approach the case in the front and Everett’s eyes widen. “May I really have whatever I want?”

“Within reason,” Percival begins. “Because if I send you home to your mother with digestive issues, she will never let me take you out again.”

“Might I make a suggestion?” Harry says. “Order a few things for here, and then order a few more boxed up to take with you. And price is not an issue, because I insist on paying.”

“Harry,” Percival says immediately.

“Come now, Uncle Michael, it’s not every day a young man turns nine,” Harry tells him. “And you’ve already given him the gift of animals in every shape and form. Allow me this small pleasure.”

“Thank you, Harry,” Percival murmurs.

“Thank you, Mr. Hart!” Everett goes to the clerk and starts pointing. Harry and Percival each order something small, with a pot of tea to be delivered at the table. Everett goes to find the perfect spot, and they slowly follow him.

“He’s my cousin’s son,” Percival murmurs. “Lovely woman, although from one of the poorer branches of the family. His father walked out when he was two and she’s been struggling. Too proud to allow me to assist her financially, but she cannot refuse when I offer to do things for Everett. He’s a brilliant boy.”

“He definitely seems it,” Harry says.

Percival studies him. “You’re good with him. I didn’t know you had experience with children.”

“I don’t, not really. None around me in the family, that is. But Eggsy has adopted me, of course, and I am now an honorary Unwin.” Harry smiles. “I spend quite a bit of time with his young sister. She’s charming.”

“Like her big brother.” Percival rolls his eyes and Harry thinks it’s adorable. “That young man has charm in spades.”

“It’s very good of you to look after your cousin and her son,” Harry says as they approach the table. “It’s obvious he adores you.”

“And I adore him.” Percival smiles fondly. “I realize that nowadays it is quite common for homosexual men to adopt…but I feel that due to my job, it isn’t in the cards for me.”

“You never know,” Harry says, but Percival doesn’t reply.

 

Three days later Percival knocks on Harry’s door. “Enter.”

“Do you have a moment, Arthur?”

“Of course, Percival.” Harry smiles at him, his face actually seeming to light up. As always, Percival is stunned at how handsome Harry is when he smiles a genuine smile. Percival knows Harry is self-conscious about his looks, uncomfortable with the eyepatch, but Percival feels it makes him even more attractive and quite dashing. “What may I do for you?”

“I have a letter for you. I am on strict orders to deliver it by hand, meaning I cannot even leave it on your desk. The sender was quite explicit in his instructions.” Percival smiles as he hands the small envelope to Harry.

“Curiouser and curiouser,” Harry comments as he slices the envelope open. He starts to grin as he reads the note. “What a charming young fellow. He didn’t need to thank me.”

“Oh, I didn’t tell him to, and either did his mother. Apparently you made quite the impression on him.”

“Thoughtful lad.” Harry smiles up at Percival and his heart leaps. “Already quite the gentleman, and I believe we both know who’s to blame for that.”

“I do my best,” Percival says modestly.

“Oi, ‘arry, will you tell Merlin ta stop with the comments on my weight?” Eggsy announces as he breezes into the office with Merlin on his heels. “Ain’t gentlemanly, am I right?”

“I dinnae mean it in a negative way, lad. I like that there’s a bit of give to ye when I hug ye.”

“Harry,” Eggsy moans.

“You’ve been quite successful teaching a young man manners, Percival. Unlike me, apparently.” Harry glares at Eggsy.

“Oh, sorry, Percival.” Eggsy immediately stands a bit straighter. “Did I interrupt a meeting?”

“No, Percival was simply delivering an important piece of correspondence,” Harry tells him. “Am I late?”

Merlin snorts. “Are ye breathing?”

“I’m sorry, Arthur, was I keeping you from an appointment?” Percival frowns.

“No, not at all. We have plans for dinner, and I promised I’d be ready by six.” Harry checks his watch. “It’s only six-twenty…they’re the ones who are late.”

“Nae, Harry…we knew ye would nae be ready on time. We meant to leave at half-six,” Merlin says with a grin.

“Come with us, Percy…they always sit us at a table fer four, anyway. Goin’ fer Italian an’ I know ya like it,” Eggsy says suddenly.

“No, I couldn’t,” Percival says immediately.

“A splendid idea,” Harry says. “We’d love for you to join us.”

“Aye,” Merlin pipes up.

“Well, all right,” Percival says finally. “I don’t have any plans.”

“Great!” Eggsy beams at Harry.

Eggsy chatters up a storm on the way to the restaurant, and Percival actually doesn’t mind. He enjoys watching Eggsy with Merlin. They are as different as night and day, but so obviously in love that it makes Percival’s heart ache. They immediately hold hands once they’re out of the shop, and Merlin always checks to make sure Eggsy is safe. He stops Eggsy as a light turns yellow and he’s about to step from the curb, and he holds Eggsy back when someone’s about to run into him on the pavement. Eggsy is just as hyperaware of his boyfriend, hanging Merlin’s coat up when they arrive at the restaurant, and ordering for him when the waiter comes for drinks.

“So, Percy,” Eggsy says.

“My name is Percival,” he says mildly, although he realizes it won’t do any good. Harry is “Haz,” Roxanne is “Rox,” and he is “Percy.” He supposes he should be touched; it’s obviously a term of endearment. 

“I asked ‘arry who tha smartest Kingsman is, an’ he said Merlin.” Eggsy smiles at his boyfriend adoringly.

“I told you not to tell him that,” Harry snaps.

“Christ, lad, now I need to reciprocate,” Merlin groans. Percival is confused.

“If one of them gives a compliment, the other one has to. Weirdest friendship in tha world,” Eggsy whispers.

“Your suit is very becoming,” Merlin says formally.

“Thank you, Merlin,” Harry says with a nod.

Eggsy rolls his eyes. “Asked who tha best shot was, an’ he said you.”

“He did?” Percival isn’t sure why he’s so pleased with this information, since he knows it to be quite true. Only Eggsy himself has come close to his statistics with a long-range weapon. “Thank you, Harry.”

“Well, you’re welcome,” Harry mumbles.

Eggsy smiles at Merlin, who rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Do ye know who’s had the best success rate on honeypot missions, lad?”

“Harry,” Eggsy says immediately, and Harry turns red.

“Nae, although he was a close second.” Merlin motions to Percival. “It would be Percival.”

“Really?” Eggsy actually squeaks. “Fuck, didn’t see that comin’.” He thinks for a moment. “Actually, yeah, I can see that. Yer right fit, very handsome.”

“Thank you,” Percival says. Harry’s eye is focused on him and he wills himself not to blush.

“Plus he said yer very detail-oriented, real focused on tha job at hand. Guess that would be real important on a honeypot, right?”

“You said that about me?” Percival turns to Harry.

“Well, yes. He asked how he could become a better sniper, and I explained that those were the traits most important…and that you were very capable in those areas.”

“Oh.” Percival smiles. “I didn’t realize…thank you, Harry.”

“Everyone ready to order, then?” The waiter says, and Percival’s snapped out of his Harry-centric reverie.

They order and Eggsy returns to the discussion. “Haz was tha best in hand-to-hand, no shock there. But he seems to think he ain’t that good no more.”

“I just said that Bedivere has most definitely surpassed me. My depth perception is skewed, and I have no peripheral vision on that side, of course.” Harry reaches up and touches the eyepatch, his hand shaking a bit.

Merlin glares at his boyfriend and from the way Eggsy jumps, it’s obvious he was kicked under the table. “Just because ye cannae see a punch coming from the side, Harry, does nae mean that ye are nae of great value to Kingsman.”

“I am not sorry to have taken the mantle of Arthur, but I do miss the field,” Harry says almost wistfully, and Percival feels for him. “But a broken man cannot serve.”

“Harry,” Percival says indignantly. “You are far from broken. You are capable of so very many things, and Kingsman is better for it. With you as our king, we can only do better, do more.”

“I…thank you, Percival.” Harry looks pleased and embarrassed at the same time. “I didn’t realize…I…thank you.”

“You’re quite welcome.”

 

Harry is deep into an incredibly boring report on budgets and firearms when someone knocks on his door. “Oh, thank GOD,” he murmurs. “Come in, please!” He calls.

“Good morning, Arthur. Do you have a moment?” Percival asks.

“Of course, please come in. Have a seat. Tea?”

“No thank you.” Percival sits. He looks uncomfortable and Harry is immediately concerned.

“Is something wrong?”

“No.” Percival actually fidgets, another thing that concerns Harry. “I have something to ask you. And I’m worried about asking you, because I’m afraid the question could make you uncomfortable, which is the last thing I ever want to do. But not asking…it seems unacceptable.”

“Michael,” Harry says softly. “It’s all right. Please calm down.”

The use of his given name seems to relax Percival a bit. “I was wondering…I was…we had a nice time last night, didn’t we?”

“Well, yes. It’s always nice to go out with friends,” Harry says slowly.

“I was wondering if you’d like to do it again. Go out to dinner. With me.”

“Just you?”

“Yes.”

Harry tries to control his heartbeat. “Like…like a date?”

“Yes. I realize this is quite unconventional, a knight asking Arthur out, but…I’ve been thinking about it for a very long time…about you. And we’ve spent time together outside the agency, and I realized how much I’d like to do it again. Often.”

“I…” Harry swallows hard. “I’d like that very much, Michael.”

“You would?” Percival gasps. “I didn’t think…I wasn’t…”

“I’ve been thinking about you in that manner as well, but was too afraid to say anything. I know that I’m not quite a prize, and…”

“Harry, please,” Percival interrupts. “Please stop thinking of yourself in that way. You have been to hell and back again. You came back from the dead. You are handsome and amazing, and I wish you’d stop seeing yourself as an eyepatch and nothing more.”

Harry stands up and Percival follows. “Michael, I would be pleased and honored to go on a date with you.”

“Saturday at six?” Percival suggests.

“That sounds perfect.”

They look at each other for a long moment. “Arthur.” Percival gives him a respectful nod and goes out the door. 

Harry sits back in his chair for a moment, wondering what’s just happened. He stares at his computer but is no longer able to focus. He jumps up and goes to the one person who can set him straight.

 

“Come in,” Merlin says.

Harry slowly enters the office. “Might I…might I speak with you, Merlin?”

“Jesus, Harry, ye look absolutely green. Please sit.” Merlin immediately jumps up and makes tea. “What’s happened? If Eggsy’s said or done something, I assure ye he will be punished and nae in a good way.”’

“I don’t think I want to know what the good way is,” Harry comments. “Thank you.” He stirs the tea a bit. “No, Eggsy’s fine. I…well…something’s happened. Something of a surprising nature. Not unwelcome, I assure you, but…”

“Oh, for God’s sake, Harry, spit it out,” Merlin says impatiently.

“Percival…Michael…has asked me on a date.”

Merlin stares at him for a moment before grinning at him. “Well, it’s about bloody time. Ye have both been dancing around each other for months now.”

“What?” Harry gapes at him. “Merlin, I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m sure ye dinnae. But at any rate, I’m happy for ye.” He suddenly frowns. “I do need to speak to you about something.” He picks up his phone. “Percival, could ye come to my office for a quick meeting? Thank you.”

“Merlin, what are you doing?” Harry gasps.

“Just hold tight, Harry.”

It’s less than five minutes before Percival knocks on Merlin’s door. “Arthur,” he says in surprise. “Is everything quite all right?”

“I believe so, but I’m not sure.” He looks to Merlin as Percival is offered a seat.

“As much as I love tormenting ye, Harry, ye are my best and oldest friend. Your well-being, both physical and mental, is of great importance to me.” Merlin removes his glasses and sighs. “Kingsman is full of agents and support staff who care about ye as well.”

“That’s good to hear.” Harry looks at Percival and shrugs a bit.

“Percival, ye are a well-respected knight in your own right.” Percival nods his thanks. “So I wish for ye to hear what I’m about to say in the appropriate light. Some of the Kingsman staff have been…betting.”

“Betting?” Percival asks.

“On when ye and Harry finally realize that ye are interested in one another romantically.”

Harry and Percival’s mouths fall open as one. “Surely you must be joking,” Harry gasps.

“Nae, Harry. I didn’t know about it until I overheard Lancelot and Galahad talking about it. It is nae malicious, simply a monetary bet on how long it would take.”

“Oh.” Percival looks at Harry. “I’m very sorry, Harry, if my behavior has made you uncomfortable in any way.”

“Percival…”

“Because if they thought we were taking too long, it means they’ve noticed something…and noticed it long before we did.”

“I assure you, Percival, you have not behaved in any way less than gentlemanly,” Harry tells him. “I’ve had…feelings…for a while now, but have been too shy to act upon them.” They both look to Merlin.

“I promise ye both that your actions have been nothing to cause concern,” Merlin vows. “And everyone involved only wants ye happy. I just felt ye should know.”

“Thank you, Merlin,” Percival says. 

“I do have another reason to ask ye here.” Merlin opens his computer and scrolls through a few things. “My Eggsy has chosen a date three weeks from now. I know that one date does nae make a relationship. But if everything goes well, and ye wish to continue your relationship, I was wondering if ye might do me a favor.” Merlin grins, an evil grin that Harry has been on the receiving end of many times before. “I believe my young pup needs put in his place a bit.”

 

“Did ya see them yesterday, babe?” Eggsy says cheerfully to Merlin. “Harry brought Percival coffee and pastries!”

“I did see that, lad.” Merlin hangs up his coat.

“They been on three dates already…bet they make it official any day now.”

“Perhaps.”

“I picked tomorrow as tha date…looks like I’m up one hundred pounds!” Eggsy says gleefully. “Since I’m sharin’ with Rox an’ all. Get ready fer that gift ya wanted.”

“Oh, I’m ready, Eggsy.” Merlin kisses him. “Now off to work ye go. I’ll see ye at lunch.”

He makes sure to gather Eggsy from his office at noon and head down to the dining hall. They grab their food and sit at their usual table, Eggsy motioning toward the door as soon as they sit. “Percival! Sit with us.”

“Thank you, Galahad,” Percival says formally. He sits down with a small salad and a bottle of water.

“Ain’t ya hungry, Percy? Ya definitely don’t need ta lose any weight.”

“No, I’m not, actually, but one shouldn’t skip meals.” Percival pokes at his salad. 

“Is everything all right, Percival?” Merlin asks.

“I’m fine, thank you,” Percival says politely.

“Oi! Arthur, sit with us!” Eggsy waves as he did to Percival.

Harry walks over, a stony look on his face. “Thank you, Galahad, but I’d rather not. I’d prefer to keep my appetite.”

“Why, Arthur!” Eggsy gasps. “What’s wrong?”

“I’d rather not get into it. I believe enough was said last night. Don’t you agree, Percival?”

“Yes, I do. And I think that’s probably the only thing we agree on. I’d rather not go into all the ways you were wrong,” Percival says calmly.

“The ways I was wrong? It wasn’t me. It was you, and I believe you know that to be true.”

“Arthur…Percival…” Eggsy says helplessly, looking from one to another.

“I’ve lived long enough to know when I’m wasting my time,” Harry begins, his voice getting louder with each word.

“You’re definitely right there…you have lived quite a long time,” Percival says with a pleasant smile.

“Percival, I’d like to keep a good working relationship with you, so I’m going to leave. But I am quite sure there will be NO chance of a personal relationship.”

“Another point we can definitely agree on,” Percival snaps.

“Good afternoon, Merlin…Galahad…Percival.” Harry says the name with a growl and walks away.

“Harry…wait!” Eggsy yells after him. He looks helplessly at Merlin, who shrugs. “Percy, c’mon, mate, ya gotta talk ta him.”

“I most certainly do not. Harry said some very insulting things last night…things I can never forgive him for.”

“But ya just started dating…everyone has their little fights, me an’ Merlin did. An’ Harry’s a gentleman, wouldn’t never say stuff like that an’ mean it.”

“Oh, I’m afraid he did, Galahad, and he meant it. You’re very kind to worry about us, but I’m afraid it’s not meant to be.” Percival sighs pitifully.

“Fuck…there goes my hundred quid,” Eggsy says mournfully.

“I beg your pardon, Galahad?” Percival asks, perking up a bit.

“Yes…I beg your pardon, Galahad?” Harry appears out of nowhere.

“How’d…” Eggsy glares at Merlin, who smiles sweetly. “Ya always leave yer glasses on durin’ lunch, babe?”

“I do when I’m assured of something interesting to see,” Merlin answers. “Please tell Harry and Michael what you’re talking about.”

“Well, I’m sure they don’t really wanna hear it, especially if they’re so unhappy around each other.” 

“Oh, I’m sure we’d love to hear it,” Harry says, and Percival nods in agreement.

“Well, ya see, we…they…everyone was in on it!” Eggsy says. Harry looks around the dining hall and suddenly everyone is very interested in their food. “We was worried about ya…both so unhappy an’ lonely, an’ we might have taken an interest in tha two of you gettin’ together.”

“Taken an interest?” Percival repeats.

“I think it probably wise that ye come clean, lad,” Merlin says. “Or I could do it for ye?”

“No,” Eggsy mutters. “Although I ain’t sure why I’m the bad guy in all this, weren’t just me…we placed bets on when you’d get yer head outta yer arses an’ finally do somethin’.”

“So…you bet money…on us…on our relationship?” Percival asks.

“You placed a monetary wager on…on our hearts?” Harry asks, looking properly pitiful. Merlin’s proud of him.

“Fuck, Haz, don’t say it like that,” Eggsy pleads. “Weren’t bein’ nasty, swear down!”

“I don’t…I can’t believe this.” Percival looks around the room. “The reason I didn’t say anything to Harry was because I was afraid of being rejected and feeling like an idiot. But now I feel like one anyway.” He gets up and leaves the room.

“Percival,” Eggsy says in a strangled tone. Merlin almost feels sorry for him.

“I am very disappointed in you, Eggsy.” 

Merlin knows there is absolutely nothing Harry could have said to hurt Eggsy more. “Haz…”

“I believe I have a solution,” Merlin says suddenly. “I believe all money should go to Arthur and Percival to use as they see fit. If they wish to spend it on a date, or donate it to charity, whatever they choose.”

“That’s a fuckin’ great idea, babe,” Eggsy says quickly. “Didn’t mean ta hurt or disappoint ya, please know that, ‘arry. I’m sorry…real fuckin’ sorry…started as a joke, never thought…” Eggsy looks away.

“I forgive you, my boy,” Harry says in warmer tone. “And I realize you were not alone in this.” He pats Eggsy on the shoulder. “Merlin, thank you for the heads up. I need to go find my boyfriend and decide how we’re going to spend our money. Gentlemen.” Harry follows Eggsy out of the room. 

“You.” Eggsy turns on Merlin. “You told ‘em?”

“Yes, I did.”

“An’…he said boyfriend! So they’re together, an’ ya told ‘em about tha bet tha day before I was gonna win tha money? Babe! Where’s yer loyalty?”

“Do ye want me to answer that, lad?”

“What tha fuck?” Eggsy gets up and storms out of the room.

Merlin grins and finishes his lunch. He knows some sweet words and a well-executed blow job will work wonders on his boy’s strop. They’ll be happy, Harry and Percival will be happy and two hundred pounds richer. All is good in the world.


End file.
